Thursday, September 30, 2010

Ten Two-Second Tangents

You know how you have those few things that drive you crazy or leave your perplexed?  Well here are some of mine that have really come to light in the past few weeks.  Here are ten 2-second tangents.

1. Offside/sides In sports that require two sides to a field each team is assigned a side for X-amount of time.  The team is assigned one side.  One.  No plural.  When the other team cheats and gets behind the defense they are off their side.  They are NOT off their sides seeing as how they only have one side.  Thus the call is offside!!!!! 

2. People and garbage:  I was tempted to write "the human race" as the actual category, but thought that was a bit extreme.  I HATE going places (i.e. stores, sporting events, concerts, etc.) and seeing garbage everywhere as people leave to head home and on the way  out the door they walk past 8,500 garbage cans.  I seriously wonder what these people do in their homes.  If you eat something, drop something, spill something, clean it up!  I've heard plenty of times,  "people are paid to clean it up!  I'm keeping them employed."  Simply ridiculous.  No one should have to spend hours on end cleaning up after people who are perfectly able to do it themselves!!!  *This really irked me when I went to Consol Energy Center, and its a brand new arena we're all so happy to see, yet as I walked away from my seat I'm stepping over people's garbage everywhere!

3. Bathroom keys with big wooden key chains:  What's the purpose?  Is someone really going to steal the key to a public restroom at a gas station?  Do you really need every customer and passerby on the street to know that you have to No. 1 or 2 as you more or less take a walk of shame carrying a giant slab of wood to the restroom?  Anyone else feel self-conscious carrying those things?... Maybe it's just me!?

4. Magnets- specifically free ones:  I know this has been touched on before, but free magnets a lot of the time drive me crazy.  Even more specifically the calendar ones.  Calendars expire!  I don't need a calendar from five years ago holding my phone bill to the fridge!  And once, I had an acquaintance who collected magnets from everywhere they went, and you couldn't even utilize the magnet to hold something because they covered every square inch of the fridge!  I think it added ten pounds to the door that it took 2 hands to even pry the door open!!  I will acknowledge and give credit to the some magnets.  I like the ones that both clip/hold things as well as keeping it suspended from my refrigerator!

5. 0 vs. O:  If you didn't notice that is a "zero" and an "o."  Notice, they look slightly different when typed. Notice when pronounced they sound nothing alike.  Notice one is a number and one is letter.  In my world they aren't interchangeable.  I acknowledge when talking money, it's way easier to say seven oh nine is the total, however that doesn't make it correct.  And really your phone number isn't eight-five-o-two.  If I were to plug in the "o" and not use the zero, since technically that's what you said, I'd be calling eight-five-six-two.

6. Public bathroom etiquette:  I'm a girl, so for all you guys you might be disturbed to learn that girls bathrooms are not perfectly clean and sanitary, and the fault goes to the women using the bathroom!  I have advice for this number.  1.) flush the toilet when you're done. 2.) if you walk into a stall that isn't flushed... flush it!  You aren't going to get terrible diseases because you flushed a toilet that wasn't yours!

7. Powerful potties:  Sticking with the bathrooms, why do they make the toilets that flush with such great force they could suck a small child down, while throwing enough water out of the bowl to wash the seat, the wall, and the floor surrounding!?  Seriously... not cool powerful potty-maker.

8. Turn signals and brakes:  A long time ago man made cars.  Man made turn signals and brakes and put them in the cars.  Man looked at his creation with bonus features and thought this is good.  Then man drove the car and pressed the brakes and turn signals whenever he wanted causing other drivers to get really really... not happy!  I'm not the best driver in the world, but I take pride in that I know how to use my turn signals and brakes.  Here is what I recall from those days when I was first learning the proper techniques for when you're behind the wheel.

 -When approaching a turn, turn on appropriate signal, then begin to decrease speed.  This will allow for drivers following behind to accommodate their speed for your approaching turn. Don't get to your turn, slam on your brakes, then as you turn the wheel throw the signal on.  Really.  I couldn't have guessed by that point that you're turning!
- Brakes slow a car down.  However, note that removing your foot from the gas can also serve the purpose. Your foot DOES NOT need to be pressing a pedal down at all times.

9. Good vs. Well:  The food taste good.  The kids played well together.  While the word "good" does fit in similar places as well, that doesn't make it correct!!!  Sound just that much smarter when you speak correctly!  "Good job!  You're playing good."  ugh.  no no no.  "Good job, you're playing well!"  Come on people.  There are some cases where "good" is ok where some people will insist on using "well."  Grammar Girl does a nice job of explaining the differences.

10.  Ignorant:  I think most of the human race has grown to understand the actual definition of ignorant... however, possible there is a direct correlation to small town, partially redneck neighborhoods, and the use of ignorant meaning rude or mean.  Again, I acknowledge most people know that ignorant is not a synonym with any of those words, however it drives me crazy so to review: (according to Meriam-Webster)

Definition of IGNORANT

1a : destitute of knowledge or education <an ignorant society>; also : lacking knowledge or comprehension of the thing specified <parents ignorant of modern mathematics> b : resulting from or showing lack of knowledge or intelligence <ignorant errors>
All in all, I recognize that it probably took you longer than 2-seconds to read each of those tangents, BUT hey wouldn't you rather read it than listen to me go off on a tangent in discussion which I guarantee would take longer than 2-seconds?! 

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