A lot can happen in three years. I lot can happen in a moment. Today marks three years to the day, one of my greatest role models went on to greater things. For those that know me really well, you’re probably thinking, ‘but Marikaye, you’re a complete Mommy’s girl’ which is 100% true, but my Daddy, you couldn't help but look up to him and learn valuable lessons along the way.
As a child, a pre-teen, even early teen years, I didn’t understand nor care about any of the lessons my Daddy was teaching me. I ran to Mommy, attempted to get my way, and bounced away happy as could be or stomped to my room throwing a fit. (I admit, I played up the youngest child to all of its benefits in my younger years!) It wasn't until I grew, that I accepted the lessons he was teaching me for what they were. While my Dad taught me so much, here are a few of the big ones I learned, and am still learning...
Grow up, but don’t. My Daddy stood around 6 ft. tall; he had hands that when I placed my adult sized in his, mine still completely disappeared. He was intimidating at times with his full beard, his large stature, but he was a gentle giant. You got close by and looked in his eyes and saw all the compassion in the world. He climbed on the floor with his grandchildren to play, he wrapped his adult daughters into big bear hugs because we were still his little baby girls, he would pinch my Mom’s butt when she walked through the room like a teenager in love. My Daddy may have been 51 years old when he passed, but that number never dictated his life.
You don’t always need a plan. My Dad, (Pops I liked to call him to his disapproval), loved to travel, but not like the rest of us. When I plan a trip, I know where I’m going. I program the GPS. I book the hotel. I plan as much as I can so I can get there as quickly as possible. But that wasn’t what my Daddy did. He took out a map, looked at some places of interest. Mentioned to my Mom about going on a ‘drive’ and away they went. A lot of the time it was just day trips where they’d just drive. They’d travel back roads with no destination in mind. And when he was satisfied with the new adventure, they’d turn around and find an entirely different route to get back home.
Fall in love again and again. My parents were married for 27 years. There were ups and downs along the way no doubt, but those last years, as I headed off to college and my Daddy had stopped working because of health issues, it was just him and my Mom. And in that time, you could see them falling in love again and again. Every day they did whatever they wanted. They went to the store, to visit the grandkids, they stayed home all day not even opening the blinds. No matter what, they did it together. They’d look across the room and make eye contact, and you could just tell they were in love.
Always work hard. This lesson I learned from example. In no way was my family "the Joneses," but we always had everything we needed. My Dad was a blue-collar worker, getting up early working 8+ long hours and coming home exhausted every day. So many days he came straight home from work and fell asleep in his chair, until dinner. As we girls got older and involved in more activities, he’d get home from work, run us to practices, sit waiting until we were done (or even helping with practices), get home late in the evening, shower, and be off to bed without a complaint. My Daddy worked too hard. And he spent so much time making our lives wonderful. He provided us with more than what we truly needed, and was sure to teach us that all you really need is family. For as hard as my Dad worked, I’m certain he missed out on a lot of things. Smaller things that he could have enjoyed. He would never regret the decisions he made to improve his families life, but I wish so much that he would have taken more time for himself.
Don’t forget the past, but move towards the future. I could take you to Gettysburg, PA, right now and give you a complete guided tour with very little time spent on me looking at signs and reading over brochures. My sisters could too. My Daddy had a passion for understanding history. The Civil War was hands down the event he spent the most time studying and researching. We went to Gettysburg every year during the 4
th of July. While many people paid for guided tours, there were others that were lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time and gathered as my Daddy told my family about Pickett’s charge and what direction each of the divisions entered and how many soldier's were lost from each brigade as the Confederates attacked. More often than not in the later years, our family would retreat to the shade or the car while my Daddy carried out a conversation with a curious tourist. While he enjoyed studying and researching, the lesson for me is how he used what he knew from days gone by and formed ideas and opinions on things going on in current times. While history is much less my thing than it was my Daddy's, I recognize the value in learning and understanding the past as we move ahead.
Live your life and let others live theirs too. My Daddy was a bit of a rebel. I’ve loved hearing all of the stories about how he jumped off moving trains, gave himself a tattoo, drank and partied, and even as an adult with a family, refused to keep his hair short just because my Oma and Mom would tell him to get it cut. While he did all of these crazy things, he used them as examples and life lessons to raise his kids. He didn’t sit down and tell us all the reasons not to do drugs, not to jump off bridges, not to drink excessively. However, in NO way did he encourage these actions either. He let us make our own decisions and was sure we were well equipped with the knowledge of the repercussions. I will always laugh when I recall the mortified look on my Mom’s face on the night of my 21st birthday. I was getting ready to go out with friends, my Mom was a mess concerned for my well-being, and as I hugged them both goodbye, my Daddy said to me with a smirk on his face, “one thing... the next day sucks.” That was it. He would always be there if we needed anything, but he let us girls make our own life decisions.
While this post is definitely for me, for my family, for those that knew my Daddy, I want this post to be for you. I hope you can look at your own relationships with your Daddy and loved ones. It saddens me knowing that my Daddy isn’t here physically seeing his grandchildren grow, that my Daddy won’t be giving me away at my wedding someday. It really breaks my heart knowing a piece of my Mom's heart is missing that can’t be replaced. But I smile and am happy so much more than I am sad. My Daddy taught me lessons. My Daddy helped make me who I am today. And I bet you have someone in your life, be it your Dad or not, that helped shape you. I hope you’re enjoying them. I hope you’re learning from them. I sure did, and I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything.
Here’s to you Pops!
